i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
