One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
