Sry I called you an 8
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
