I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
