So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
