yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
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