No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
