Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
