the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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