so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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