Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
