I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
