in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
