i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
