I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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