listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
