Pappa wants mamma naked
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
