Moan for me like Helen Keller
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
