If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
