i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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