I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
