Already got asked if we're dating
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
