We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
