I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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