Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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