i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
