I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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