If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
