I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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