Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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