Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
