No awkward lesbian experiences without me
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
