The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
