Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
