i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
