it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
