best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
