Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm getting married
To pizza
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
