i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
