I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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