i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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