Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
