why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
