Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
