I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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