i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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