I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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