why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
