Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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