Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
